Rainy Day

Today has been a cold and rainy day but thankfully it has stopped snowing. Yesterday we had sort of a blizzard in Colorado but Fort Collins got mostly rain. It flooded so much here that the dip in the lawn outside my apartment flooded and two ducks came and swam around in it all morning. That was a cheery sight for me to wake up to. Animals remind us of the simple joys in life and make it hard not to smile at their silly antics. Speaking of that, Henry is probably the best at making me smile. Hamsters do funny things all the time so if anyone needs a pick me up, I'd recommend going out and getting a hamster.

So I've spent some time thinking about friendships and what friendship means. Friends are there to add to your life, not subtract from it. This is unfortunately the situation I have found myself in for the past year, people I call friends subtracting from my life. Think of Super Mario 64 (oh Justin would be so proud) and recall how your health is a pie chart. Well, it is like I was running into one of those bomb things over and over, each time subtracting my health in little pie pieces. So I first ask how did I end up here? Well, easy. In a desperate attempt to make friends with people that had things in common with me I allowed myself to be shaped as easily as a piece of clay. This is your classic example of the "queen bee" mentality so accurately detailed in the movie "Mean Girls". Now you might say that is is a high school phenomenon and perhaps I should have already outgrown this phase by the time I reached college. This is not the case for me because I had no experience with such a vicious social system during high school. I thought that I had avoided such a common practice but that was me counting my eggs before they hatched! In retrospect it is easy to see how and why everything went so wrong. Hindsight is always 20/20, but the beauty is that now you can see it coming in the future. Don't let others manipulate your thoughts and actions. I did and I lost my voice and my self amongst a variety of other things. Quick side note, this is not an effort to throw a pity party for myself, I've done that enough recently. Basically I have come to realize the healing power of writing, something I thought that I would never enjoy. So I take the time to put down some thoughts that have been helpful to me. It is important to take care of you and what defines you. Others need to tell you that you are wrong to define themselves, don't allow that to happen. Don't be afraid to go against the norm, especially when you feel wrong following the norm. Take an active part in defining who you are and if you don't know who you are yet, be sure not to let others decide it for you. No one has the right to determine what defines you.

Well, that is probably enough inspirational writing for everyone. Beware, I may have random posts of inspiration in the future. :) This rainy day was a good one after all, one healing rain drop at a time.

Note to self: Define yourself by your thoughts and actions, not others.